Tonight I was holding Adam in my arms while he slept, and a couple different thoughts came to my head. The first, was how celestial holding a newborn baby is. Adam was in Heaven three weeks ago, and now I get to hold this little angel in my arms. What a special experience. I loved looking down at Adam in his REM sleep and seeing his eyes open a tiny bit, and close. I loved seeing his sweet little mouth switch into a smile and imagine he's smiling thinking of me. (or eating :-) I just love to hold him.
My other train of thoughts was that I feel a little guilty. I love my baby, and have loved all of my babies, (of course) but I feel bad that I've complained about the newborn stage. Some people really love it, but I feel bad that as a stage, I love my child, but not this stage as much. I'm tired, I feed my child for 2-3 hrs/day and I feel bad for not having as much time with the older kids. I've always struggled with wanting this stage to pass as soon as possible. Terrible, I know.
I think I need to slow down. I've never been good at relaxing, but I think I need to try. I always feel like I need to get a lot done in the day, but I bet that if I just slowed down a little, I'd love this stage so much more. Holding Adam, with out thinking of what else I could/should be doing, was so nice and peaceful. I need to do it more often. I need to temporarily forget about elaborate outings, to-do lists and clean floor boards, and just enjoy being with my kids. I need to enjoy this little peace of heaven, because this wonderful newborn stage isn't going to last.
Note: Mike didn't like me calling Adam my "sleeping beauty," so I added tough guy to appease him.
4 comments:
I feel the same way about the newborn and baby stage in general. I love not changing diapers and worrying about bottles. I don't envy you (maybe only a little). But I don't think you should feel guilty AT ALL!!!
Funny the things we miss when our babies grow up. I can remember holding you in my arms and can see your tiny little pixie face in my minds eye. I remember sitting on the floor with you and your sisters and thinking I was the luckiest person in the world to have my babies around me and having a new day in which to be with you girls. I never did worry about the floor boards, but did worry about so many other things.
I know exactly what you mean! It's challenging to let things go and relax and enjoy the newborn stage. You seem to be doing a perfect job, though! One of my favorite quotes, which you've probably already heard, goes: Cleaning and scrubbing can wait for tomorrow, for babies grow up I've learned to my sorrow. So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep."
Shelly, I've never read that quote, thank you for it. I'm going to hang it on my bathroom mirror.
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